OH dearest me…
someone wrote to me today.. They said,

“Tell me something exciting about the cruise.”

That person, who is very nice, humble, important and savvy… didn’t know what he was asking.

BTW.. my verbosity doesn’t come without merit. I write. Not even to annoy… but what’s coming along will blow your mind. Not now. Later. Much later. But I am sure you will like. See… I have always thought to write a review.

I thought…”I should write a review sometime.”

I always mean to… but like Hunter S. Thompson, even I cannot bring the random tangents back to where I started (at times)…. sometimes… the essay takes a life of its own.. you know?

SO…onboard, I was a performance artist…. an “anti-consumption-zombie-that-still-liked-brains-but-ironically-was-swallowed-
and-devoured-by-a-loving-and-hug-giving-fuzzy-bear (ask me later).”

THAT was Xingolati. Esoteric acceptance?

Well.. to be fair… I will tell you the story.

So, I applied to be a performance artist onboard…… A guy in a suit covered in blood attacked by a zombie that is: a strolling minstrel philosopher that talks about zombies as an allegorical reference to our massive consumptive and mindless lifestyles… where life should be more than you can grasp and be more about experiences and building community. And how you can make a difference in the world, as simple as assking for tinfoil instead of styrofoam for leftovers at a restaurant. The idea goes on and on…

They liked it. I went free. What an interesting moment in time we inhabit, yes?

I went to the performance artist meeting the first day, and dressed as a zombie.. one of the ladies came at me… “why the heck are you not in your bear outfit!?!?!

See…..

I had put the bear head thing on and cheered in line with two thousand people… so everyone freaked out and started cheering. Therefore, for the rest of the trip.. it seemed EVERY single person knew me… as the bear guy (or lion, or liger.. depending on their penchant for certain animals)… and I hadn’t the foggiest if I should know them or not. So, in that confusion… I hugged everyone. I think I counted or lost count at about 1800. I know there were some duplicates. Especially late at night hidden with specific young birdies.

So… I was not allowed to be what I came to be. Which isn’t bad.. because,

….the experience defines you…..

The moment, the way it interacts with everyone and comes back to settle you in…. is what decides what will be. So, to quip Douglas Adams…. it is an experience where I “don’t know my future, as much as a tea leaf knows the future of the East India Company”.

And that works so much better than you realize. Anyhoo…..

Have you been to a burning man? Like that, but more humid, pleasant, less dust storms, more showers, fine food, less playa gripping you (one of the fun parts for sure), hot tubs close enough to listen to your favourite bands… and sex isn’t as gritty. And hallucinogenic shuffleboard. To be frank. AMAZING… a whole bunch of bands, friends, friend’s bands….. a complete burning man vibe sequestered to a groovy little cruise ship… safe, comfortable, fun…. it was explosive good times.

To play Devil’s Advocate, the three issues that dripped from people’s mouths like so much collective syrup?
1) No stilts. People will die. Not you, the stilt wearer. But, another stilt wearer. And that is a super bummer.
2) No fire. Water around the ship won’t necessarily stop the ship from burning to the… uh… mmmm.. water.
3) Big art and art cars. This one was mine. And for logistical reasons, I wouldn’t fault anyone for this one.

So stories… collective moments… thoughts and ideas…. who went to Xingolati?

Did you ever meet the guy that was gift wrapping the breakfast buffet sausage links? Okay… this guy… brought on board these tags….
http://www.flickr.com/photos/deadeathedead/53913104/

and with such precision, loving care… like.. this cat was channeling Martha Stewart herself… ankle bracelet and all. He sat for unknown hours meticulously wrapping up breakfast buffet little sausage links… gifting them anonymously or gleefully…. “I have hidden a present for you” said some notes…..

anyway…. as you would unwap thes perfectly wrapped gifts… thinking, “it must be something”. And as you unwrap them, the deeper into the tissue you got, the spottier and more covered in oil it became…disgusting and fetid. A gent named Ryan Smith (dubious, but I assure you existing) and I laughed, for approximately an evening , about the whole affair. The camera man’s drug induced and sleep deprived glee could only eventually showcase the imminent disappoint in his face when he realized what it was.

Or did you see the elevator rave?

These two groovy, weird cats dressed in zebra stripes… was it winston??? I have pictures my friend… so man pictures. It was not only one of the best DJ sets since Lorin at DNA Lounge last Friday…. but, amazing.. in an elevator… maybe three at a time. It was truly… sick, groovy action. They won tinfoil medals, or something, that said best elevator party ever.

I admit… I have had one that might beat that shit into the ground. But that was not xingolati. It was in a hotel. And it wasn’t a festival. It was.. of sorts. But Xingolati? Well.. it was an elevator party for some I am sure. This time, however… I was busy elsewhere. At the real elevator party.

Or that mad rythym session in the atrium at 3 am on Sunday?

I think Tea Leaf Green had just ended. Yeah… Ben didn’t wear his Mexican wrestling mask. And I know Josh didn’t wear the beanie he wore at the party. But, runts and gummi bear sharing as I was (pushin’ good vibe)….I admit the end of that set sort of moved me to tears as it really symbolized the near completion of the event…
(little did I know my zen like centered attitude would be tested upon “disembarking”… whatever the industry is suggesting by a word like that I cannot tell.. but there were a couple extra hours of mellow down time as the only tragic event of the ship was explored by border control.)

Or the guy in the bear head thingy?
Hmmmm… that would be me. But i am afraid I mean someone even more bear headed. Which isn’t easy in my state. I was bear headed in the hot tub almost nude. Never sans head…. so the theme people seemed so attached too, carried over This guy seemed to have…. ummm.. inappropriately violated a teddy bear, shoved his head through the bottom end, and cut out the poor bear’s stomach…. and shoved his mug through it. .

It is okay… I also a man that decided to slip inside a banana. And a man confined to a rogue kangaroo pouch. Kangaroo and all…..

>>The bad advice bears?

You have no idea. An “artiste” named Ashley had made, just short of a score, — something like 19 different– fuzzy bear suits…. these incredible costumes… all different and indiviudal (sort of like even the most basic of xingolatians). They would help people… give them advice. Do you need to use a condom??? NO NO… everyone here is responsible and tested… no one would “give” you anything on purpose!

Oh… by the way… if you are drinking heavily and doing drugs… you do not need to drink water, because you are floating on the water, and that counts. You do not need sleep either.

So… they were fine companions. I learned my lessons quickly. They said it was fun to hang over the side of the railings.

Damn, evil, bad advice bears. I was almost off my rails.

Anyhoo…

Did you have the lobster?
Yeah… lobster. Inclusive. Alllllllll inclusive. You just were so lucky if you could remember to get to dinner between the madness elsewhere.

the bucket people race?
I am no even going to be able to explain that.

The Flaming Lips, Teal Leaf Green, BASSNECTAR, jamie janover…. I was about to freak out.. but I will calm down. You go on and on… Yard Dogs….Mutaytor.

You know… all your favourite bands were there… if it was g.love, particle, medeski martin and wood, whoever…. yeah.. they were there.

Did Wayne and the guys DO Zaireeka… yeah. And if you are not slobbering, you don’t know what I am talking about. And thanks to that lovely little lass that tickled my arm.

Me – O – My

“Tell me something exciting about the cruise.”

Okay… where should I start????

About Uncle Fishbits

I'm.. just this guy, you know?

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