You are fine son. It isn’t a mistake. Keep this simple… you can connect with billions of people, I don’t mean to be cynical. You can connect with friends, and acquaintances, and lovers and such…. but if the person closest to you cannot physically reciprocate, you are in for a long, long life. you need to ask what you want, right? I think that is from a movie. But tonight I will call from work… we NEED to talk.

I don’t have time to respond to the whole message yet, and haven’t read all of it.

RULE #1)

this rule will fuck you up forever, but will help right now.

No matter what you feel, there is always someone better out there for you. It is the law of statistics, and the odds are… you will find them.

It sucks because it makes committing harder, but you are young…. and we need to find out what you want. Do you want a committed house, car, kids, monogamous relationship in a corporate job or struggling artistically so you wake up and off yourself in 15 years?

Think slowly… we will talk. These are the things that I have sent to you when my mind is a fever pitch.

Keep it simple… billions of fish, and not all fish connect in every way. For now, focus on someone with the same loves (going to shows, music.. share the same experiences with someone and you grow together.) Then focus on your physical life.. enjoy yourself a bit. Unless that is hollow and empty… but know, there is always someone better.

At a certain point, people shrug their shoulder, give up and say “this is the best I can do”

Well, I personally have a big problem with that. I want to experience… make love, fuck, mindbend, be controlled, control, learn, love, read, sing to, be sung at….

I want everything. I want experiences to help me to constantly grow, and that won’t happen with one woman right now… I know for the time being I will never be fulfilled by one woman.

You should come to the burn with me this year. Call me at work 415-***-****. If I don’t hear from you I will call later.

================================================

I was fucked up and ready for pain with or without you, doll.

You were such a beautiful, if not confounding, moment in my life. Thank you for that. I have finally found most of the pics of us together, and would love the chance to ask you for more… if you have any of those pics of us I want them. You are one of the most beautiful women I have ever had the pleasure to bond with mentally, emotionally, and physically. Your mind is a bittersweet confluence of utter joy and endless love with disparity and self awareness and reason and madness.

How’s that for dramatic. I am finally healthy again. I am feeling things I haven’t in some time, and might be finding a partner in crime that has much of what I could ever hope of and more. I am not sure where I am going, but I finally feel like I am not compromising love or passion. It is phenomenal.

That being the case, I cannot wait to reconnect with you and talk about life and where we are headed and what life is all about for one another… if there is ever a day I can hug you and smile and have tea and talk about pooches and simple moments and simply feel comfortable…. and safe, and content… I would like that to be with you.

Don’t you dare pass mere miles from me and not contact me. I always want to be attached, and there for one another. Saving each other when we are burning in water, drowning in flame (not mine, Bukowski)….

Well, it is Sunday mellow Sunday and apparently drama time for old friends and lovers.

You are one of the most brief and most important people in my life. I don’t want to lose that and I want you to know I am always here for you to lean on, talk to, or feel… <gulp> safe with when you need safety.

Love you “***”, thanks for everything, and it has taken me months and months and months to get here. You may not be part of my life ever or soon… but you will always be an important part of it. Thanks for helping me in ways you didn’t know you helped me.

All the drama can be saved for an email like this.. catching you up to speed in a vague way. The short of it is that I can’t wait to see you back in town, and would love to meet up at your convenience. If you need a friendly place to crash, or just want to go to golden gate park and chat while picking at dandelions, I am your guy.

About Uncle Fishbits

I'm.. just this guy, you know?

No Comments

Be the first to start a conversation

Leave a Reply

You must be logged in to post a comment.