Bill the Barber, 3rd and B

 Message not sent to family for some odd reason but it is worth a read……

A picture just came up on my screen saver and it totally reminded me to tell all of you something funny.

Bill the Barber, shifty and bizarre…. Was cutting my hair about a week ago.  Earlier mom and I had stopped by to see if he had an appointment.  He actually remembered my name, and was like, “yeah man, 4:30?”  I said yes, he looked confused for a second while grabbing the pen as if he forgot what he was going to write down…. I said thanks he smiled and waved bye with a lazily wielded straight edge razour in his hand.  It trembled in a terrifyingly haphazard way.  I envision sliced thumbs and tendons.

It is a wonder why I keep going to this guy.  He is a genius with hair, of course.  The Elvis memorabilia 20 feet high on the wall notwithstanding, he is an old school roffler with enough downers in his system to make his hand steady as can be…. He actually uses a straight edge to cut the hair.  Insane.  So good.  Also has the Burma shave, the hair vacuum… the whole 9 yards.

It is definitely a *certain* type of person that will go there.  He is not always right in the head.  But his hand never suffers.

So during the haircut, he was holding the straight edge a bit too close my gullet, and he starts saying, “What the hell was that man?”

Nervous I play it cool, “What you talkin’ bout?”

He says he is mad I didn’t introduce him to my ladyfriend.  He thought that was my fiancée or “whatever”.

I of course said, “MAN.. you met her already.  That’s my MOM!”

His reaction was hilarious.. just smiled big and was like “maaaaaaaaan…. That whole time I was mad cause I thought that was some young chick.  Man… Maaaaan… I thought she was some young chick”

He said young chick probably 15 to 20 more times but I will spare you.

This guy is worth the price just for the stories.